Real Moms Share: Michelle Rocker

Michelle Rocker and her family in a black and white portrait.

Michelle Rocker Marching to her own beat…

When we first met Michelle Rocker, we were instantly taken by her funny sense of humor, her wit, charm and, of course, her very red hair! Then…when we heard her story, we were sure we wanted to share it with you. Learn what she has to say…

PSN: Please give us a brief snapshot about your family and your child (now).

MR: Well, for starters, I just celebrated my 22nd anniversary with my wonderful husband, Mike. We have 4 great children: Brett, 20, who is in college; Nolan, 17, a senior in high school; Shelby, 13, is in eighth grade and Nikki, 10, is in 5th grade. Two of our children have special needs; Nolan battles bipolar disorder and Nikki was diagnosed with Asperger’s and ADHD. I will also add that her pediatrician said it is the worst case of ADHD she has ever seen in all her years of practice? I was hoping maybe that qualified me for some sort of a reward.

PSN: Share with us something personal YOU, as a mother to a child with special needs, had to conquer, overcome or resolve?

MR: I think the biggest thing I have had to overcome is not worrying about what other people think. I am a musician and have spent quite a bit of my life in the spotlight. I was always worried about what others thought. When your child is having a full down meltdown in the middle of the store and people are staring at you, rolling their eyes and judging you, you learn to quit worrying about what others think. They do not know that she is on sensory overload. They don’t/can’t understand it. I have also learned that I have to do what is right for my family and what I view as successful may be different from someone else’s view. For example, one day in the store she just ran around touching things. I was so happy there were no meltdowns that day. I called it a successful store trip. Other people watching might have thought differently, but they just don’t get it…and I’m okay with that.

PSN: Will you share with us an experience, lesson or “aha moment” you’ve had (at any point) in raising your child?

MR: We have been to a lot of doctors and been through so many medications. At one point, she was on four different meds and three of those meds were to help with the side effects of one of the medications! As great as the doctors are out there, they do not care for her or love her like I do. I realized that it was a “guessing game” and my daughter was the experiment. I am NOT okay with that. The doctors would say, “Try this med out and see how she does”. I was over it! Even in the school system, I was told what she needed to pass in order to achieve the next grade. Nikki can’t pass that test, but she is brilliant. So, one day, I talked with my husband and we decided to march to our own beat rather than the one being dictated to us. I started searching for therapies, natural products and diets that work for Nikki. I brought her home and started homeschooling her so that we could be in 8th grade math and 2nd grade English, if that where she needed to be. The result? She is happier than she has ever been. In fact, tonight she is going for a sleepover with a friend. Something “normal” that I would have never thought possible just a few years ago. I am her biggest advocate! I will always know more than anyone else when it comes to what is best for her.

PSN: Do you have a moment that makes you especially proud of your child or that is particularly memorable to you that you would like to share?

MR: You mean I can only pick one? HaHa! Nikki has this amazing singing voice that she rarely will share with us. At a piano recital I asked her to come sing with me…and she did. Since I love music so much and love hearing her sweet little voice, well, it just melted my heart. Turns out she melted everyone else’s heart, too.

PSN: What advice could you give to a parent whose child has recently received a diagnosis similar to that of your child, or what advice did you receive that you found to be exceptionally relevant?

MR: Two things.

1st – Find a support group!

When Nikki first got diagnosed I just hid away and quit going anywhere. I was terrified. I wish I had started talking with other moms and other people who could introduce me to our “new normal”. Now, my best friends are some of her special need teachers and other moms with special need children. We laugh a lot about things that “normal” people just wouldn’t understand.

2nd – You are the one who knows what is best for your child. Question what is being told to you. Learn to color “outside the lines” just like your child does. In school, stand up for their needs. With the medical field, question and research. You are the one who lives with them day in and day out. Trust that “momma instinct” that God gave you for your baby.

PSN: Are there any special resources you have found that have helped you on your journey? (Local or web)

MR: The game changer for helping my daughter was essential oils. It was so life changing, in fact, that I wrote a book about our journey. My website also has the system I used so that you can pinpoint which essential oils can help support your family in the best way possible.

PSN: Michelle, thank you so much for sharing with us some of the lessons you have learned and for letting us take a peak into your life.

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This post originally appeared on our September/October 2015 Magazine