Plan Ahead for a Great Year by Boosting Your Child’s Self Esteem

A young girl in a white gi and brown belt holds a sword above her head.

“The amazing thing about being you is that there is something in the world that you are the best at; that no one else can do like you can. You just have to go find it.”

– Mr. Blair

(My 12^th grade English teacher)

The ultimate goal for any child is to experience a total fulfillment and maximizing of one’s potential despite any perceived and/or real limitations. Special needs children should be able to communicate their own thoughts, needs, opinions, and wishes with support from educators, family, classmates, and friends. Is it that easy for a child to freely communicate their needs and feel comfortable in their own skin? There are many people involved in the development process of a child, especially those with special needs.

Threats to self-esteem in students with learning disabilities

While there is no menu of characteristics that captures the threats to self-esteem in individuals with learning disabilities (LD), there are a number of traits, frequently observed in people with LD that contribute to feelings of low self-worth. One interesting research finding is that by itself, having the special education classification of specific LD has not been shown to have a negative impact on self-esteem. Rather, there are several factors that seem to impact self-esteem in individuals with LD in negative ways.

The factors below are taken from studies conducted by The National Academy for Learning Disabilities (NCLD). www.ncld.org

Communication style and social cognition

Seems to be overly egocentric and not interested in the responses of other speakers (when nothing could be farther from the truth),
Has difficulty judging when it is her/his turn to participate in a conversation,
May misinterpret feelings and emotions of others and not realize when their behaviors are bothersome or annoying,
May have problems with visual spatial planning and self-regulation, resulting in difficulties judging how close to stand to someone during conversation, how to assume and maintain a relaxed posture, and when it might be appropriate to touch.

Self-knowledge

Not sure how to understand or explain personal strengths and weaknesses to others,
Is a poor self-observer and has trouble sizing up and reflecting upon what is going right (and wrong) during social interactions.

Language

Has limited vocabulary or difficulty retrieving the right words for the situation,
Is weak in verbal pragmatics (fitting the use of language to social situations)—For example, not knowing when (or how) to laugh without offending the listener,
Has trouble with topic selection and knowing when to stop a conversation,
Talks around a topic and provides less critical (and more extraneous) information in response to a question,
Is more likely to repeat rather than clarify when asked to expand upon an explanation,
Is more likely to use gestures and demonstrations when sharing information.

Self-perceived social status

Has great difficulty knowing how he/she fits into a peer group, which often results in ‘hanging back’ or being a passive (rather than active) participant in activities,
Has limited success ‘self-marketing’ and getting noticed in positive ways within a peer group,
Perceives self as less popular and more frequently rejected or ignored by peers (sometimes resulting in further self-imposed isolation).

Expectations by others

Is repeatedly confronted with messages of low expectations for academic achievement by teachers and parents,
Is frequently (albeit not intentionally) the target of spoken and unspoken messages of disappointment and lowered expectation by parents and others,
Is viewed as having diminished potential for success, even with services and support in school and at home.

Locus of control

Believes that outcomes are controlled by external influences (luck, chance, fate) rather than as a result of their own internal efforts,
Assumes a posture of “learned helplessness”, that is to say, they assume that because they struggled with something in the past, there is little they can do to change a negative outcome in the future, so they stop trying and hope for the best.

How can we boost a child’s self-esteem?

First and foremost, a child must understand what self-esteem is and how he/she is feeling before progress can take place. Help a child draw or write out what high self-esteem looks like compared to low self-esteem. This activity would educate a child on how to achieve high self-esteem.
Students with learning disabilities need order in their lives (especially). Structure in the form of a consistent daily routine is very important. Encouraging what he/she enjoys doing and feels comfortable doing will greatly build the child’s inner strengths and self-esteem.
In the classroom, position the student next to a cooperative individual as a “study buddy”. This will lend itself well for seeing a good peer role-model and helps set a child up to become more successful. It may also create a lasting bond/friendship with someone who is a good influence.
Have the child write down things that he/she CAN DO. He/she should start each sentence with the empowering words, “I CAN…” Words of strength are keys to building self-esteem.
Teach the child that it takes consistent practice to develop the skills to become proficient at a certain activity. Experts often fail many times before they achieve success. A child would be more likely to persevere if he/she feels the goal is attainable.
Have the child think for himself/herself and accept responsibility for his/her actions.

For more information on empowering your child and assisting in his/her maturation, decision-making, overall development and becoming super healthy, check out Doug’s official website: www.doughaddad.com

A man gestures forward with the words "MORE THAN ENOUGH" displayed behind him.

Self Esteem: How Do You Get It and How Do You Keep It

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