Gaining Independence Comes With a Price

Gaining Independence Comes With a Price

As children grow and develop, they will encounter more and more situations where the decisions they make will have a greater impact on their lives. As a parent, it is important that you slowly allow your child to gain independence. Here are some key steps for allowing your child to become more independent and accountable.

Monitor a child’s actions on social networking websites.

With today’s added pressures of social networking websites on the Internet, youth feel that they need to be connected with their peers without parental monitoring of their discussions. Explain to them that it is important to make good choices on what pictures/videos to post and what to write. Make an account and have them become friends with you. Know the passwords to their accounts so they know you will have an eye on them.

Refrain from helping your child each time he/she encounters an obstacle.

Introduce a child to a new activity and teach them the basics. You can provide them some guidance along the way, but hold back from lending a helping hand every time they struggle with a task. This will be a great way to prevent enabling a child. Instead, a child will feel a greater sense of accomplishment when he/she achieves the feat on their own.

Have faith in a child and believe he/she will make the right decision.

It’s not just enough to believe in a child, but you should encourage and teach them how to make good decisions. Allow them to choose their friends, but, get involved in their lives by regularly having discussions about school, their friends and the importance of being a leader and standing up for what is right.

Assign a child chores and give them an allowance.

As children get older, and style and appearance become more important to them, they often want to choose what clothes they wear as well as their activities. Money is a great way to help a child gain independence and responsibility in knowing that they will have some control over what they can choose to wear or do for an activity, as long as they pay for their wardrobe. Also, it provides them with a sense of responsibility in keeping a job and teaches them skills that are applicable to “real-life”.

Build in life skills through daily routine.

Children work best when things are in a routine. Activities such as doing homework, making the bed, putting away their clothes, brushing their teeth, having a snack, doing a daily chore, etc… become habitual and build muscle memory the more times they are regularly performed. The more times an action is repeated, the more independence a child gains without even thinking about it.

Helpful Articles

• Independence and Self-Advocacy
• Important Life Skills to Teach Your Child with Special Needs
• Apps for Supporting Independence: The Transition to Adulthood
• Teaching Financial Independence The Building Blocks of Financial Literacy
• The Power of the Piggy Bank | Important Life Skills Teaching About Money Management
• Independence + Security Balance: Balancing Independence with Security Guardianship and Its Alternatives
• Letting Go – Allowing Your Child to Be Independent – Accepting That They May Fail:
• Building Independence Through Self Awareness And Regulation
• Fitness as a Gateway to Independence

This post originally appeared on our July/August 2011 Magazine

For more information on helping a child obtain overall SUPER HEALTH, please visit: www.doughaddad.com. Douglas Haddad, is the author of parenting/child guidance book Save Your Kids…Now! The Revolutionary Guide To Helping Youth Conquer Today’s Challenges and a full-time public school teacher in Connecticut.