Subtle Abuse

Recently, as a volunteer /assistant coach for my daughter’s soccer team, I was required by The Special Olympics to take their Protective Behaviors Training Course prior to attending an away game.

The first paragraph of the program struck a chord in me. Please see below:

As its programs around the world have grown, Special Olympics recognized that the mistreatment of people with intellectual disabilities ranges from the horrifying to the subtle. Any vulnerable person, anywhere in the world, can be abused in ways that leave no marks on the body but terrible scars on the soul.

As I contemplated the above statements…the mistreatment of people with intellectual disabilities from horrifying to subtle… leaving no marks on the body but terrible scars on the soul, I asked myself,  “could I be guilty of this kind of abuse in my own house?” Of course, I would like to think that I could not.  I am a huge advocate for people with different abilities. I am working to make a difference through this magazine to provide information and practical tips so parents and caregivers can help provide a better life for all.

But, as a caregiver to my daughter, could my own frustration, at times, be considered subtle abuse? When she has asked, and I have answered, the same question 100 times in one day, and my tone and temper are thin, could the tone of my quick, short responses be considered abuse? When she tries to make conversations with others, and talks about incidents that have happened that have no relevance to the person she is talking to, and I interject and say “be quiet” or say “not right now”, could that be considered subtle abuse?

I do not like the words “shut-up”. I do not consider them polite and would never say them to another individual outside of my house. Yet, I have spoken those very words many times to my daughter when I have had enough.

Could family members expecting more than the special needs child can deliver right now be considered subtle abuse?  By not showing all of the steps to an action, but, expecting success be considered abuse? Can playful teasing to the point of upsetting my child be considered abuse?

 According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, the word “abuse” has the following meanings: “to use wrongly” and “to hurt by treating badly” and “to use insulting, coarse, or bad language about or to: to scold harshly”.

We, the caregivers, have day in and day out responsibilities: dressing, bathing feeding, schoolwork, and therapies. And, with no Protective Behavioral Training Course (as mentioned above) that we had to pass in advance of taking care of our children! As the caregivers to our special needs children, could we at times be delivering subtle abuse to our children?

By examination of the definitions, we are all probably guilty to some degree of a very subtle form of abuse.

While we are not all perfect, nor am I accusing myself, or anyone else for that matter, of abusing our children, I am saying that we ALL have the capacity to improve our behavior and thereby reduce the amount of subtle abuse that might be imparted to our children. This was a tremendous eye-opener for me and also for my family. I strongly believe that it will serve to improve our outlook towards, not only our child, but also, towards our fellow man.

In order to make a difference, we have to BE the difference.  We have to be aware.  We have to HELP.

Please Share your thoughts on this article.

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