Planning for a Lifetime: Skills That Help Our Children Grow Into Adulthood

Planning for a child’s future can feel both hopeful and overwhelming—especially when the path forward isn’t always clear. This article explores how building everyday skills early, using evidence-based ABA strategies, can support independence, relationships, and meaningful opportunities across a lifetime.

Planning for a child’s future is something every parent thinks about, but for families of children with disabilities, the journey often feels both uniquely beautiful and complex. Childhood is full of growth, exploration, and discovery. But development does not stop there.

We humans continue learning across our lifespan. This shapes not only who we are but also how we act with school, work, relationships, and the broader community.

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), grounded in decades of scientific research on how people learn, offers families powerful tools for building the skills our children need across their lifetimes. By understanding the developmental path ahead and teaching foundational behaviors early, parents can help their children move toward independence, confidence, and opportunities that reflect their strengths and interests.

“Planning for the future can feel overwhelming, but progress doesn’t happen all at once. The small skills our children practice today—one routine, one interaction, one step at a time—can grow into confidence and independence over a lifetime.”

And human development is not a linear path. It is a dynamic process in which skills build upon one another. A young child learning to take turns may later use that skill to collaborate with coworkers. Early communication abilities evolve into interviewing for a job or advocating for personal needs.

Daily routines become the basis of managing adult responsibilities such as schedules, bills, and appointments. For children with disabilities, development of these skills can unfold at a different pace.

But the underlying principles of learning remain the same: behavior is shaped by experience, strengthened by practice, and influenced by the support systems around the child. ABA provides a framework to intentionally teach the skills children will need as they grow into adolescence and adulthood.

Let’s explore a couple of the major milestones our children may encounter and how ABA strategies today can prepare them for success tomorrow.

Graduating from School or getting a job

Graduation from elementary school, high school, or a transition program marks a shift toward greater independence. Students may begin navigating new expectations, preparing for vocational training, or managing more complex social interactions. In addition, a job represents more than a paycheck. It is a step toward adulthood, identity, and community belonging. Preparing a child for employment begins long before they fill out an application.

Skills that support graduation from school or working vocationally include:

• Completing tasks independently (e.g., homework, self-care, chores)
• Communication, Self-advocacy, and problem-solving (e.g., asking for help, expressing needs)

• Social skills (e.g., receiving feedback from a supervisor, collaboration with others)

• Managing time, staying on task, or organizing tasks (this author is still working on this skill!)

• Following multi-step instructions (e.g., using an excel spreadsheet or a point of service system)

Emotional regulation and practicing patience (e.g., customer service skills, dealing with high demand classes)

Teaching strategies rooted from ABA include:

1. Shaping and Reinforcement.
   These are two of the most successful strategies from this author’s perspective. Less complex skills (e.g., pushing a button, putting on a shirt) can be shaped into more complex skill sets like using a cash register or putting on a uniform by providing reinforcement in varying forms (e.g., praise, a break) after completing parts of the skill. This should become more difficult over time, which is the shaping part of this strategy. Breaking larger tasks into smaller, teachable steps helps children build fluency.                                                                                                                             
2. Prompting and Fading.
   Parents can guide our children through tasks using verbal, visual, or physical prompts, gradually fading assistance as the child becomes more independent. Visual schedules and task analyses are great prompting strategies to use, especially for routines. For instance, a morning routine might be broken down into steps with pictures (visual prompts) or words (verbal prompts) the child can follow.                       
3. Behavioral Skills Training (BST).
   BST combines four evidence-based teaching components: instruction, modeling, rehearsal, and feedback. For example, if a teen needs to learn how to ask a teacher for clarification, a parent can explain the steps, demonstrate it, practice it through role-play, and offer feedback until the student is confident. Using BST, parents can rehearse job interviews, customer interactions, or accepting feedback.

Social development does not stop in childhood. It continues to evolve throughout adolescence and adulthood as individuals encounter new social expectations, experiences, and opportunities.

Many neurodivergent humans seek friendship, companionship, or romantic relationships just like their neurotypical peers, and these desires reflect a natural part of our growth. Because social situations become increasingly complex with age, it is important that these skills be nurtured thoughtfully, intentionally, and at a pace that honors the individual’s strengths, preferences, and boundaries.

Skills that support relationship success that parents can begin teaching are rooted in communication and social skills, but more specifically include:

• Conversation skills and managing disagreements respectfully (e.g., turn-taking, asking clarifying questions, redirecting when things are getting escalated)
• Understanding consent and boundaries (e.g., expressing and respecting “No.”)
• Recognizing emotions, both theirs and others
• Identifying and expressing personal values, and engaging in actions that align with them
• Building routines that support healthy relationships and households (e.g., physical hygiene, domestic chores)

Teaching strategies rooted from ABA include:

1. Values identification
   Helping children identify what matters to them helps guide future decisions about friendships, dating, and partnerships. Using tools like value card sorts or guided worksheets, we can facilitate exploration of desired qualities and behaviors, helping our kids connect these values to meaningful actions they can engage in. For instance, asking questions like, “What makes you feel proud or happy inside?” can help identify what kind of person our child wants to be.                                                  
2. Social Stories used within BST (Behavioral Skills Training).
   Structured stories or scripts can help children understand abstract concepts like sharing feelings or asking someone on a date. These are great as a guide to discuss what our children can expect to happen during certain social interactions, however need to be used in combination with rewards (e.g., attention in the form of praise or affection).                                                                                                                         
3. Video modeling used within BST.
   Our children can also watch filmed examples of social interactions, and then practice the behavior themselves. Research shows video modeling is highly effective for social and communication skills, however just like social stories, it needs to be used in combination with rewards or reinforcement of some kind.

As always, it’s best to rely on multiple supports when teaching our children new skills. Depending on the skill type, we may need to lean on SLPs or Behavior Analysts.

Other supports can include vocational rehabilitation programs, peer support programs, job coaches, or teachers. Special needs families can always reach out to their state disability rights agency to gain access to more resources!

It should be stated that these are not one-time lessons. They are repertoires that can grow with the child into adulthood. These skills can be built gradually, tailored to the child’s developmental level and interests.

Planning for your child’s future does not mean predicting every milestone. Rather, it means intentionally nurturing skills today that empower your child tomorrow.

With the science of ABA as a guide and a community of supporters beside you, you can help your child move toward a future filled with pride, possibility, and purpose.

“Planning for your child’s future isn’t about predicting every milestone—it’s about nurturing skills today that open the door to pride, possibility, and purpose tomorrow.”

 

About Our Expert

Holly Downs , BCBA, LBA, is the Compliance Director at PBS Corp, and an instructor at the Florida Institute of Technology. She has over 15 years of experience in ABA, and specializes in parent coaching, teaching, and delivering direct therapy for individuals with comorbidities.