Debbie Phelps Shares with Us
I recently heard Debbie Phelps speak; she was sharing “her story” with other women. She shared some life lessons that she has learned through the course of her life, and many of them are in her book, “A Mother for all Seasons.” [1] I would like to pass along a few of her gems…
Debbie the mother of Michael Phelps, who happens to be the most-decorated Olympian of all time, but that doesn’t mean we know her. During this lecture, she mentioned that she was a single mother who worked as a teacher and, ultimately, became a principal. While raising her three children, she put herself through college and earned her diploma when her middle child, Whitney, graduated from high school. They were a swimming family; all of the children were competitive swimmers who swam in different pools. Her oldest daughter, Hillary, is the one she credits for Michael being a decorated Olympian. Hillary was World Champion in the backstroke and the first to compete towards the Olympics. Michael followed her lead.
Helping Michael through School
Knowing that Michael has ADHD, I asked her how she helped him stay focused and manage his time as he was going through school and growing up. She said, “Michael received his ADHD diagnosis when he was young and he was on medication up through middle school. After middle school, he transitioned off the medication. He came to me and told me he didn’t want to take it anymore because he was getting peer pressure about it.”
As an educator, she was able to put him into a routine at home and provide strategies that could also carry over to the schoolhouse. Debbie continued, “I would go to the class and talk to the teachers; I would be his strongest advocate in his school. They were like, ‘Michael won’t sit down’ and I would say put him in the back of the room. They would say, ‘I can’t put him back there’ and I would say ‘Yes, you can!” Debbie explained that Michael needed to stand up; he needed to walk around, so she tried to educate the teachers how she felt her son needed to be handled in the schoolhouse. As it turned out, it did seem to help.
Debbie added, “Some of the teachers have 30 kids in the classroom and he’s only one of 30, so you have to make sure that you were able to be a voice, but make sure he had strategies to be able to work through his self-talk, and taking his finger and pushing it into his hand, being able to go walk around the schoolhouse hallway for one time”.
Michael’s swim coach, Bob Bowman, brought his focus to his sport. When Michael was at the pool, one would never know he has ADHD. Michael swam, played baseball, lacrosse, and ran cross-country throughout the year. Basically, Debbie tried to wear him out, she said. She went on to say, “When he came home he was doing his homework, going to bed and starting his cycle all over again. So, putting time management into place at home and having an advocacy for him at school to be able to share with his teachers was critical. As a principal, I know that educators walk a fine line. We can’t diagnose ADHD, but we can provide information and let parents know that it’s a possibility when kids are having trouble in school. The teachers are trying to help you do what’s right for your kids. Trust these people when they come to you, and then find the resources you need to get help. ADHD kids have great passion – it just needs to be funneled”.
Debbie Days!
Because of Michael’s childhood experience and his Olympic success, Debbie can talk to parents and give them a sense that their child can still be very productive. She added, “We are so caught up in raising our children and protecting them that we often forget about ourselves. I’ve instituted a practice that I have never stopped, I call it having a Debbie Day!”
These “days” are once a month (on a Saturday) depending on her activities work or family. She carves out some “me time” which might only be two hours or could be the whole day. Sometimes it is related to work, and other times it relates to family. But the object of a “Debbie Day” is to be as creative, fun, and relaxed as possible on that day. And, no matter what, make sure to take off your watch so you can’t monitor the time.
So, what does a Debbie Day look like? Well, it could be a manicure/pedicure once a month or, if you’re on a budget, do it yourself. It could be getting your hair done, browsing a bookstore, library or magazine rack for decorating fashion ideas. It could even be staying in your pajamas and watching “Law and Order reruns. The important thing is that you do something for YOU! So, go on now….schedule your own Debbie Day!
Try thinking of this: The children are growing up… what’s next? Think about you in this scenario. Discover things you like to do, then plan it and make it happen!
I know many of us say …
Someday, I’d like to do this…
and Someday I’d like to do that…
But, Someday is NOT a day in the week.
Do something for you!
Photo courtesy IRMC Foundation’s “Her Story” event featuring Debbie Phelps, photographer Michael J. Gallagher
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- Early Intervention: First Steps in the Right Direction [4]
- I Do Not like Being a Special Needs Parent and That’s OK [5]
- Coping with the Life You Never Imagined [6]
- Handling Your Child’s Diagnosis: Six Things Parents Should Do For Themselves [7]
- A Complete Guide on Positive Behavior Support for Children With Special Needs [8]
- 8 Ways to be a Great Advocate For Your Family Member With Special Needs [9]
- How to Get Free From Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood [10]
- Father’s Perspective: Raising a Child with Special Needs [11]
- Developing Your Own Network [12]