We teach our children water safety and road safety — it is equally important to teach our children ‘body safety’ from a very young age. As both a teacher and a mother, I strongly recommend to all parents that ‘body safety’ become a normal part of your parenting conversation. The sexual abuse of children has no social boundaries and any child anywhere can become a victim. Educating your child with body safety skills is an empowering and crucial life-skill that could save them from the irreversible damage of childhood sexual abuse.
Before I begin, however, I would like to reassure parents that when teaching your child body safety you will not have to talk about the sex or the act of sexual abuse. Just as we teach road safety with a clear, child-friendly and age-appropriate message, the 
[2]teaching of body safety uses a similar sensitive and age-appropriate technique.
The statistics of 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday is truly frightening, and as many experts point out, this statistic only reflects reported cases. 95% of children will know their perpetrator. The community’s focus has so often been on ‘stranger danger’ — however, the reality is, the perpetrator will most likely be someone in the child’s immediate family circle and a person they know and trust.
Our children are more vulnerable
[3]Worryingly, disabled children are 1.8 times more likely to be sexually abused than non-disabled children (Sullivan et al, 1997). The following factors may help to explain why this is the case.
- Disabled children receive intimate personal care often from a number of care-givers and service providers and are therefore more vulnerable to undetected abuse.
- Because some disabled children are mentally impaired they have less resistance to sexual abuse and are perceived by the abusers as an ‘easier target’, i.e. the child will be less able to tell and know that the sexual touch is wrong (frankly speaking it may feel pleasurable to them); the child is more likely to believe the abuser when told this sexual behaviour is ‘normal’.
- Children may have communication difficulties and/or a reduced or inappropriate vocabulary, and are therefore unable to speak out and let others know of the sexual abuse.
- Some disabled children, especially in a care setting, may not have someone they can turn to who is receptive and understanding to what they are trying to communicate.
- The child may feel too powerless, intimidated or fearful to communicate what is happening. Abusers will use this power to intimate both disabled and non-disabled children alike.
To assist parents, carers and educators, here is a summary of the 10 Key Body Safety Skills every parent/carer/educator should teach both their disabled and non-disabled child. Please note, these skills can be taught gradually and in daily conversations as your child grows.
[4]10 Key Body Safety Skills
1. Ensure your child names their body parts correctly as soon as they begin to, e.g. toes, nose, eyes, etc. children should also know the correct names for their genitals from a young age. Try not to use ‘pet names’. this way, if a child is touched inappropriately, they can clearly state to you or a trusted adult where they have been touched.
2. Teach your child that their penis, vagina, bottom, breasts and nipples are called their ‘private parts’ and that these are their body parts that go under their swimsuit. note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’.
3. Teach your child that no one has the right to touch or ask to see their private parts, and if someone does, they must communicate to you, a trusted adult or older teenager straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed (statistics tell us that a child will need to tell three people before they are believed). As your child becomes older, help them to identify five people they could tell. These people are part of their ‘safety network’.
4. Teach you child very clearly that if some-one (i.e. the perpetrator) asks them to touch their own private parts, shows their private parts to the child and/or shows them pornographic images that this is very wrong, and that they must tell a trusted adult (or older teenager) straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed.
5. Talk about feelings at the same time as you are discussing inappropriate touch. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. ‘ I felt really sad when … pushed me over.’ This way your child will be more able to verbalise how they are feeling if someone does touch them inappropriately or they are shown inappropriate images.
6. Talk with your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. near a growling dog; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy. Help them to verbalize these feelings so it is easier for them to express their feelings if they are in any way violated.
7. Discuss with your child their ‘early warning signs’ when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. They may like to come up with some ideas of their own. Because your child may be with a variety of people in any given day, ensure they learn to trust these ‘early warning signs’ and to always act upon them. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘early warning signs’ happen in any situation. Reinforce that you will always believe them and that they can tell you anything.
8. Discourage the keeping of secrets. (Perpetrators rely heavily on children keeping secrets and may begin by asking your child to keep ‘fun’ secrets in order ‘train’ them into keeping all secrets.) Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Granny about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone does ask them to keep an inappropriate secret that they must tell you or someone in their ‘ safety network’ straightaway.
9. Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. a doctor when they are sick (but making sure they know you must be in the room). Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) that they have the right to say: ‘no!’ or ‘Stop!’ and outstretch their arm and hand. Children (from a very young age) need to know their body is their body and no one has the right to touch it inappropriately.
10. Read your child ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ on a once a month or once every two months basis. The book can be read and reread to children 3 to 12 years. It is also ideal to read before camps, sleepovers, hospital visits, etc. Go to http://e2epublishing.info/ [5] for more information and purchasing details. Also teach your child the empowering ‘ the Body Safety Song’ at http://e2epublishing.info/body-safety-song/ [6]
Lastly, sexual abuse prevention education (body safety) is not only a parent’s responsibility, but also the community’s responsibility. Ask your child’s kindergarten or elementary school if they are running such a program. If they are not, ask why not. And please lobby for it.
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Click here to read BODY SAFETY BE AWARE: Some General Tips and Guidelines [8].
Helpful Articles
- Sex Education: Teaching the Most Vulnerable [9]
- Subtle Abuse [10]
- Restraints in School: What Can You Do? [11]
- Advice Needed! Legal Actions for Abuse in Classroom [12]
- How Bullying Has Affected My Daughter’s Life [13]
- How to Help Students with Special Needs Avoid Bullying [14]
- Bullying: How to Identify, Address & Change Harmful Behavior Affecting Your Child [15]
- How to Identify Bullying {Tip 25-31} [16]
This post originally appeared on our March/April 2014 Magazine [17]