ADVICE NEEDED! Church Accommodations!

Real Moms Sharing Their Experiences and Advice

Please be advised that the information that is shared on this page is for general knowledge and information from parents and (some) professionals.

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Question: I’d like some advise please. We are looking to expand our church to be more accessible to children with special needs. For those of you who attend a church that accommodates your special needs child, what are some things that are done or things that are in place that make you feel comfortable having your child involved and at peace enough to leave them in Sunday school or nursery while you attend service? For those of you that don’t attend service and would like to, but aren’t able to because you aren’t comfortable taking you child… what would you look for in a church and what accommodations would you need in order to be comfortable? Thanks for any advise you can give!!

Answers:

• Kristine B: Just the fact you are asking is a great start in comfort to a parent of special needs children smile emoticon
• Jennifer P: A safe and private diapering area would be fantastic! Perhaps a low, padded “bench” for easier transfers of bigger kids to adults from a wheelchair. Also, the topic of inclusion needs to find time in a sermon.
• Sarah J: My son is 6 1/2 years old and is in a wheelchair, has seizures and is severely mentally disabled. I want my 11-yr old typical daughter to have a personal relationship with the Lord but the service is too loud during the singing part and can set off my son’s seizures, and too quiet during the sermon for his noises. So what’s the solution? While my typical daughter attends the kids service/Sunday school, I sit in the lobby and half hear the sermon on the monitors hanging from the ceiling and hold my son for most of it. It sucks really. They need a small room for people like me where we can see and hear the sermon. Like a “cry room” but bigger.
• Nicole E: One of the great things our church does is gives parents of special needs kids a date night once a month. They watch all of your kids for you, it is amazing and a blessing. Each child gets their own “buddy” (volunteer) and it’s like a big party for them. They get to run around like 1/2 of the church (it’s a big church). My kids look forward to it every month. They also are amazing for the special needs sunday school.
• Kristy G: My son is 9 and our church also has a one on one buddy program. They also offer picture schedules and a sensory/snack break between Sunday school and small group when it tends to get overwhelming. When we first joined, we kind of did a ‘church IEP’ for him. It was great! They also offer a free special need VBS for the community that’s very popular.

• Jolene P: Katie Livingston Wetherbee and I just published a book about special needs inclusion at church. It has many, many ideas to help you get started and to help volunteers work with kids:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0825443504/ref=as_li_tl…

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• Elizabeth S: My child wants to be IN church with the family, not babysat. A nice large family room that is separate from the main congregation where the whole family can go together and watch through glass (because he babbles and makes noise), with a speaker system that can be turned down is ideal (sensory to loud noises, music etc.) Chairs or benches that have padding. A bathroom nearby it that is big enough to change someone in a wheelchair or hold an adult and child to change their clothes. We sought out a church with just such a space to attend. He also has a service dog, so being in a slightly separate room does not distract people. The only way I could leave him with someone is if they are a certified BCABA and has a lot of experience with autistic children. It is just too dangerous to risk for a night out. As for religious education, our church has a homeschool program where we can tutor him and his sister at home instead of Sunday school.
• Charlotte S: Other ideas are to train assistants for one on one help for young children or any age that needs it. You may find special ed teachers or para=professional assistants who would help establish or teach people how to deal with special needs. A huge help is treating people their age so no putting a 15 year old in a 1st grade class. Good for you for asking. When you touch special needs kids you touch their families and their workers in many agencies. Some churches bus group homes to church.
• Shelly B: Our church has a thriving special needs ministry with either one-on-one assistants as needed for the child to attend peer-appropriate classes or also a self-contained classroom for those with more significant disability. There is a number assignment system and if the parent is needed, a number flashes on the overhead screen in the auditorium to alert the parent. Also, when the child is enrolled, the parents do an intake assessment along with the staff of the program to assess needs, weaknesses, etc. A sensory area is built into the self-contained room as well as music, noise cancelling headphones, snacks, etc, as needed for each child. There are also quarterly social options for the families, moms, and parent’s night out where you can leave the kids and the parents have the evening off. It’s wonderful and SO needed. 80% of parents with special needs kids don’t attend church because of these issues. Good for you for addressing this!
• Shannon C:My son has a teacher who is knowledgeable in his needs, wants, and adaptations. They also are working on training all the Sunday school teachers and leaders in special needs children. We have currently 5 children with autism of some sort in our church and that number is only getting larger so the leaders feel it is important.
• Dot B:  Workman I teach a special needs program for individuals with disabilities during our church service. It provides 2 hours of wonderful instruction and crafts and snacks while parents and caregivers get to attend their programs and church service. I have students ranging in age from 5 – 58!
• Roxanne K: We recently started at a church that is building a special needs ministry. If fact our first day at the church was the first day the special needs room was open! My son Josh who is seven and is on the autism spectrum was the first one!! How cool is that?! They have a special education teacher who is running the special needs room. It has been fantastic! My husband and I can finally go to church service and hear the word of God. Josh loves going to church and learning about Jesus. I love our new church! Paster Craig said 89% of families with special needs children do not attended church. That is horrible! We are dealing with so much the only way to go on is through the strength of The Lord!
• Christine J: We keep our children IN the church. Our church does not offer “childcare” we have moved pews out to accommodate wheelchairs for all the families that need them! Our Elder being an adoptive parent of 5 special needs children talks louder or stops if a family needs to regroup;)
• Carrie B: We have a great church, however, the fit isn’t the best for our special needs daughter. She is 14, developmentally about 8. She is a non-reader and writer. However, her cognitive abilities are high, she can tell you about a story after it has been read to her. So, we do not take her to Sunday school since none of the teachers are able to handle her needs. I would love to have a church that is able to have an age approp mentor sit with her, allowing both to be immersed in the lesson without ‘disrupting’ the class. We love our church family, have tried other churches, but cannot seem to find what is best for our daughter. The only option anyone offers is to just put her with the kindergartners! While we are trying to teach her at an age appropriate level, that does not work. Otherwise, she sits through the adult lesson with us, sings praise and worship too and is THE most social person I know.
• Gretta D: Medically trained staff, staff that is trained, paging system for parents, same people every week, people who see the gift
• Lynn B:Thank you for caring enough to ask.
• Julanne O: Parenting Special Needs Magazine I use my respite hours at the church, the respite worker takes my daughter to the Sunday school class and junior church, and if my daughter tires or feels overwhelmed the worker can take her to the nursery (my daughter is almost 6 yrs old). Everyone at the church understand the worker is there for my child and not to watch other children. This is the best choice for my family, I get piece of mind knowing that my daughter is close by in the care of someone I trained to work with her.
• Robyn S: We are beginning a program at our church next month. We are starting with a children’s buddy program, as well as a self-contained classroom. The goal is to create worship and fellowship opportunities for individuals with special needs of all ages. While I think the special needs group is greatly underrepresented in the church, it isn’t too hard to find at least one church in most communities with something for children. But the church as a whole is forgetting about adults with special needs, and all of us with a child with special needs will God-willing have an adult with special needs. Adult ministries for those with special needs are hard to find. Who will make sure that adult is going to church and learning about God? Churches need to meet the adults’ needs at their cognitive levels. As for how we are getting started, we held two large community events at the church for Christmas and Easter. After we had over 130 visitors at the Easter event, plus over 80 volunteers from my church (we only worship 250 on a Sunday, so this is a solid percentage), we realized this was a necessary and do-able ministry. I researched other churches that had strong programs for individuals (all ages) with special needs. I contacted one of these churches and my pastor and I had an hour-long phone call with their pastor who oversees the special needs ministry. He walked us through the process of starting the ministry. He also explained in great detail what they are doing. He sent me a lot of their brochures, paper work, etc, so we weren’t recreating the wheel. Oh–and LOTS OF PRAYER is a must!
• Shelly O: My church has offered a respite care program for children/youth/adults with special needs for 40 years.Our Respite is very well staffed (by both paid staff and volunteers) and is offered free of charge to parents/caregivers of anyone in the community who submits the application. We also care for typical siblings of the children/youth with disabilities and offer activities that are age and ability appropriate for the participants who come. We have recently started a Special Buddies program so that parents/caregivers can bring their children to Sunday School, Worship, and Wednesday Night activities and have them cared for by people that they know and trust while the caregiver is being fed in their own class, worship service or other activity. The buddies are staff members who provide the care that the individual who has a disability needs to be able to participate in a class with their age-level peers and provide the personal care and attention that make that possible. Everyone (whether paid or volunteer staff) who works with students who have special needs attends training about how to appropriately and safely care for the people that they are serving and about the specific disabilities of the people served by the programs. We also have specialized equipment like a the changing bench mentioned in another comment. We practice what United Methodists call Safe Sanctuaries policies, which ensure that if an individual needs assistance with changing of diapers or other toileting, changing of clothes, etc. issues, two people are present so that nothing inappropriate happens as far as touch or other questionable activity.
• Anita R: My church has an assistant in the classroom with the special needs child. The parent never has to worry about anything unless it gets to an extreme situation . The best part about the assistant is that she is normally a special education teacher that has volunteered to be a part if this ministry. So basically. .. the parent RARELY, if ever needs to have their worship time interupted… it’s awesome. smile emoticon

ADVICE NEEDED for Special Mom shared from Facebook post #psnmoo955

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