ADVICE NEEDED! Custody and Decision Making Rights

Real Moms Sharing Their Experiences and Advice

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Question: I have a 15 yo son that was diagnosed with mental health issues at a fairly young age (ODD, OCD and Anxiety). His bio dad is not in the picture much, maybe a visit twice a year and a couple of phone calls. We have always been against meds as a family decision and never went that route. His bio dad was totally against meds! Well on Wed. My son told me he was suicidal, I stayed up all night to make sure he was ok and took him to the pediatrician. first thing Thursday morning. Pediatrician, suggested meds and counseling and diagnosed him with depression. We agreed as a last resort to start meds, child agreed to take them on a trial basis. My question is should I call bio dad and let him know what’s going on? I’m really torn on what to do. Legally I have full custody and decision making rights, so I don’t have to but I think his dad should know. But then again I’m also afraid he will talk him out of taking meds, which at this point I feel is necessary. Thanks for any advice.

Answers:

• Gulnaaz Y. your son staying alive is more important than bio dads feelings on medication .
• Nicole Elizabeth That is a tough one. With a non existent dad really, you are in full control and have those rights. Do what is your gut feeling. Personally, I would not tell him till he takes the meds and you know they are working for him.
• Gerrie B. Having a sister the killed herself leave the dad out until he is stable. And then even then I would be cautious your son health is more important
• Pamela Fine Auble If your son was diabetic, you’d want him to take his meds, right? Mental health is just as important.
• Laura D. Actually by law you must give a child meds when a doctor prescribes them or it is a reportable cps issue, plus if he did harm himself or others, then legal responsibility would fall on you as his primary parent. Tell dad you have no choice because you do not and your sons life isn’t a decision its your obligation
• Tina J. Nope the dad has no right , because your gaurdian And the dad chose not to be in his child’s life , I wouldn’t say a thing
• Faye R. Does Dad make an effort to find out how he is? I have 3 children with a guy who has irregular contact with his children, he last saw them on boxing day & he only spoke to my son the other day (for the 1st time since then) because my son called him.
  For this reason i never bother to let him know anything anymore. If he can’t call to find out how they’re doing, then he doesn’t need to be told x
• Terry A. I would not mention to the dad unless subject arises. You say he has minimal contact so I would not at the confusion to your sons life.
• Janine H. If you feel that by telling your child’s father, he will then try to convince your son not to take the medication, then I wouldn’t tell him. The medication is going to ‘top up’ the feel good hormones that are low in his body at the moment, and help correct the chemical imbalance that is happening. This medication is of the utmost importance for your child, and you alone, as his legal guardian, make those decisions for him.
• Kelly S. You are the parent that makes all the decisions and takes care of your son. You have obviosly researched and thought about this a lot. Share your decision with the father if you woud like, but just know that it is only that….sharing the decision you have made. Your decision is the correct one for your son, no matter what Dad has to say.
• Horn J. I’ve had mental health issues since about 10. I’ve had depression, anxiety, ptsd, bpd and so much more. Medication can save lives as can therapy. Never give up! May take several Med tries and therapy tries before the right fit is found. Bless your son
• Eileen B. Full custody, intermittent contact from Dad, you know what to do…….follow your paediatricians advice. Sorry non existent parents lose the right to make these decisions
• Kathy S. Not a tough one for me. No, don’t tell dad at this time. Maybe in the future, maybe not, but for today, no.
• Mary F. I would not tell him your son is way more important!!!
• Angela H. You could explain to your son that you are with him all time for life and will always take care of him the way you see fit. Explain that dad is not always there to take care of the lifelong problems that he will always have meds issuers for his life right now. Tell him not to tell dad until you see that the meds is working and your son has a chance to feel the difference. You are the on who is there day in and day out. You just keep a close eye on him. Write down things that you notice and share that wit the doctor. Some meds have side effects that are hard to deal with. You will know if your son needs a different kind.do not give up. And not of praying will also help the most. Good luck. I am praying for you.
• Hil P. My feeling is tackle one big issue at a time. Once things have settled with the meds, look at what needs to happen next. It is an unselfish parenting act to put your own preferences aside and put the needs of your son first. Failure to provide your son with the medication he needs to stay safe makes no sense at all.
• Toni G. Give it a couple weeks and see If it even works. No point in causing a fuss till you are sure he is going to stay on it. Plus, if it’s working, u will notice if he stops taking it!
• Anthony M. My daughter was the same way( still is in some way) children with disabilties( cerebral palsy) suffers from anxiety and depression. We had her committed 2 times! We finally got her Meds right, but high school she was in was too stressful, do I finally swallowed my pride and put her in a high school for kids just like her, and she’s much better! The point is, no offense… FCK HIM!! Ur job is to do what’s best for your son!!
• Emily J. I am not a doctor by any means, but I have had mental health issues for almost 30 years myself. I have found Biofeedback Therapy to be a great alternate from medications. You might look into it and see what you and your son thinks. Because it is not a medication, your son’s doctor might try to talk you out of it, but I have found it to be really helpful and haven’t had to be on meds for about 15 years or so…
• Connie S. follow your heart it will tell you . I think you have already decided and just wanted a second opinion Mama knows best most of the time

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