Relationship Rescue: Aging out of School

Question: There have many situations where I have clients approach me with the very important questions of “Aging out of school and where do we go from here”? This is one of the most difficult decisions for a “special needs” parent to be in.

Answer: I can remember when I had to question myself as I put my 2 twins on 3 waiting lists when they were 8 years old. The social worker on the other end of the phone who was asking me questions, kept reassuring me that it was our duty to make sure that they were taken care of when we couldn’t do it any longer. She pointed out that my training assisted me in coming to the realization that this would be the right thing to do.

However, it was not all that easy for my husband to get accustomed to. He balked at first and felt as if we were “dumping” them on someone else eventually. He came to see the importance of having them placed in a community which would be an asset for them, and that they needed to feel a part of something that they could relate to.

In my opinion the guilt of placement sometimes overrides the logic which is needed to cope with what is inevitable. We are not going to be here forever. It is not fair to have family members take care of our children, especially if they are not equipped with the proper credentials and background or experience.

I am not saying go willy nilly out into the world and don’t investigate group home organizations. It’s important to know where your child is going to go. I will tell you though that there are many wonderful organizations who are committed to helping this population of the intellectually disabled.

I want my children to have a purpose driven life. Just because they are intellectually disabled does not mean that they cannot give something to society. A group home community along with a job which they can handle, will give them that.

Have a question about your relationship? Ask Robin. Send your questions to [email protected]

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