PSN Issue
Each of us
experienced rejection from peers at some point growing up and we now watch as
our own children experience it as well. It is painful to see our children get
hurt. However, for non-typical
children, the rejection happens much more frequently and is often so much
crueler than we could have imagined. Society in general is not so welcoming of
those who don’t quite fit its definition of “norm.”
How excited the mother was when she learned
her daughter was to be invited to a birthday party! A girl the daughter knew from an art class she was
attending, named Ruth, invited her! Although about the same age, the
daughter was not yet as emotionally mature as the other girls but she has the
most tender of hearts…and she could barely wait to go to that party! She shopped to find the perfect gift
for her friend, Ruth! And when the
mom called to accept the invitation, Ruth’s father asked if they could bring a
tray of the vegetable lasagna to the party just like the daughter had shared
with her art class weeks before…. he said Ruth
couldn’t stop talking about it!
When the mother and daughter arrived at the party
house with the gift and lasagna in tow, there were about 20 kids
there—boys and girls mostly in the 13-to14 year-old age range. The party was set up with food and a
big screen in one room for the kids to enjoy…it was set up like a mini-movie
theatre and it was awesome. There
was a room across the hall where the parents could mingle and socialize as well. The mother thought to herself, “This is going to be great!”
The mom watched as her daughter greeted the adults
and then made her way to the teen movie room. She found a vacant seat right in the midst of a group of the
girls and, with a huge smile on her face and with an abundance of unabashed joy,
she said, “Hi. I’m so excited to
be here!” The kids, including the
birthday girl, Ruth, who had invited her, promptly got up and moved and left
the girl sitting alone. The mom
felt a knot in her throat and a burning pain in her heart….
but she waited to see if she could have been mistaken…. even at that age girls
couldn’t possibly be so cruel. She
prayed silently, “Please, please let this be a good event and not a
heartbreaking one for my precious daughter.” She watched further as the kids got up to grab snacks
and to socialize and, again, it was obvious they were intentionally not
including her daughter whatsoever.
Her daughter tried to talk to a few of the kids but they wanted no part
of it. She caught her daughter’s
attention and said, “We can leave if you want.” The daughter replied, with the sweetest voice imaginable,
“No, mama, I want to stay in the party room with my friends. You go visit with the adults.” The mom gave her a loving wink as her
daughter sat back down in her chair to watch the movie…still alone and ignored
by the other kids there. As a mom,
she was crushed for her daughter.
And even though she felt like grabbing the other kids and asking why
they were shunning this sweet, loving, warm, unique and beautiful child, she
somehow refrained because she did not want to embarrass her daughter.
The mom went to the room where the parents were
socializing, and since she didn’t care in the least what other parents say or
think about her, she looked for the host, Ruth’s dad. She really felt like slapping him (she was thinking the Moonstruck
slap—remember that?) for allowing his child’s cruelness. But before she could find him, her
thoughts were interrupted as she listened to the other parents talking lovingly
about their own kids at the party.
They talked about the high test scores they made, how advanced they
were, about the AP programs they were going to get into, the colleges they
would attend and how their kids were going to be so successful. She smiled and thought how all of those
things are so admirable and how she loves it every time she hears parents so
involved in the lives of their children, but at that moment, she was a mom on a
mission…she had to defend her daughter and tell Ruth’s dad just what she
thought of Ruth’s hurtful behavior toward her child. She was suddenly jerked back to reality as she heard
Ruth’s father announce the movie was over and he asked all parents to head over
to the party room for cake.
Something told the mom it wouldn’t be quite that simple.
The adults walked into the party room; the mom’s
daughter was still seated alone.
Before the mom could get Ruth’s father’s attention, Ruth took to the
floor and since it was her birthday, she thought it would be fun for each kid
to stand and say what they wanted to do be when they grow up. Ruth called out each child by name and
one by one, they stood to say their name, where they wanted to go to college,
and what they wanted to be in their professional life---a lawyer, a surgeon, a
pathologist, a nuclear engineer, president, etc. All the kids
applauded for one another and each career choice out did the one prior. Ruthie was about to sit down—she
had intentionally not called the daughter’s name—and just as the mom was
about to show this group of kids and parents what a tiger mom protecting her
cub looks like, Ruth’s father stepped up and said, “What’s that saying…we’ve
saved the best for last? What do
you want to do when you grow up?”
The daughter stood up, with a beautiful smile on her precious face, and
she said, “I want to be a…. a chef like Chef Miles, he’s awesome!” No kids applauded for her or for her
future career choice, but the mom glowed with pride! She thought to herself….“A
chef! That’s perfect! That’s great, my girl!” Ruth’s father said, “And a
fantastic chef you’ll be…this vegetable lasagna is the best I’ve ever
had.” (The mom was glad that she
hadn’t followed through on her desire earlier to give Ruth’s dad the Moonstruck
slap). Ruthie’s dad did okay
after all!
As Ruthie finished opening her gifts, the daughter
and her mom said their goodbyes.
As they got into the car the mom asked her daughter if she had an okay
time. She enthusiastically said,
“Yes, mama. Those kids didn’t talk
to me but they lost out. I had a
cool story I was going to tell them.” It was in that moment that the mom realized something
very powerful within her daughter.
Her girl didn’t view herself as a victim of rejection and she wasn’t
feeling sorry for herself because she was treated so differently from the
rest. She loves just for the sake
of loving…. not expecting anything in return. She gives because she truly gets
pleasure from giving…again, not expecting anything to ever be reciprocated. She is thoughtful and generous because
that is just the way she is…. not because she needs
anyone to like her. She embraces
her abundance of enthusiasm and excitement. The mom leaned over and she gave her daughter a long,
tight hug.
That night, as the mom kissed her daughter’s cheek
and told her that she loved her and wished her cool dreams as she does every
night, she also told her how very proud she was of her, so proud of the person
she is. And the daughter said,
“Thank you mama and I love you, too, mama.” The mom felt her daughter’s genuine sweetness and
pureness of heart.
As she made her way to her own bedroom, the mom
realized she was crying—because she was so thankful, so grateful, so
blessed to be this child’s mom.
Her daughter may not yet be as advanced or as mature or
as skilled in some ways as others her age, but she already is gifted in ways
most will never experience. She’s
a wise soul, a kind, and a warm and a loving soul who is unique, and fun, and
who has that extra abundance of love in her heart. Her tenderness and caring nature will probably bring her
more hurt than the average person will experience in life, but it will also
bring her the ability to experience a deeper love of herself and of others than
most will ever know.
Regardless of
how we try to convince ourselves otherwise, every single one of us desires to
give and to receive unconditional love.
We may hide behind excessive work schedules or behind self-conceived
obligations. We may even push away
those who actually do/did love us unconditionally. But we can learn from this child right now not to be a
victim of our fear of being hurt or ridiculed or rejected.
Oh, and as far as a profession goes, there’s nothing
cooler than a chef!
Kelly Jackson is a single mom who
lives in Tampa, Florida, with her daughter, Holly. They enjoy writing, cooking, and going on adventures and
journeys! And they do make
delicious vegetable lasagna!
Disclaimer: All information on this site is of a general nature and is furnished for knowledge and understanding only.