PSN Issue
By: 
My
daughter’s birthday party…… gave ME a gift
and taught
many lessons
Every year I struggled with
what to do
for my daughter’s birthday. Of course, my daughter starts planning for
her next
birthday as soon as we have eaten the cake of the current birthday.
Still, I
struggled with what to do? Do I invite my friends and their children,
whose
children are not really friends with my daughter, but come out of
obligation to
their parents? The other kids take over and how much fun does my
daughter really
have? Plus, I struggled with myself and the hurt and pain I feel that
my
daughter’s life is neither easy, nor typical. On this particular
birthday, I
decided to make it easy on myself. I was busy at work and just wanted a
simplified birthday. I had thought about what my daughter would like…
she would
like a party with her friends (who were her friends and not just the
kids of my
friends). But, that again always caused me pain (because my daughter
does not
have very many friends). But, her friends, the ones she talks about,
were from
her ESE classroom. This presented a problem because several of the
children
were in wheelchairs and their parents did not normally bring them to
parties.
We had experienced this at another child’s birthday….where we were the
only
ones that attended, when, in fact, the whole Gen. Ed. class had been
invited. The
disappointment the family felt showed in their faces. I decided to go
at this
from a different angle.
I went to her ESE teacher
and
asked if we could have a party in the classroom at lunchtime. A REAL party. One with a theme, invitations,
perhaps play a
game, and extend lunchtime from 20 minutes to an 1 hour, so as to not
disrupt
too much education time. After
getting permission from the principal, it was a go!
My daughter chose the theme
of Princes and Princesses. We made handmade invitations (doesn’t
everyone like
the feeling of being invited to something….the sheer excitement) and
sent them
in advance of the party date. We made the boys a crown and the girls a
princess
hat, and, of course, a goodie bag. Decorations were a tablecloth, paper
plates
and napkins. Lunch was McDonalds (the teacher took the childrens
order in advance and we went and got it) and the game was the classic Pin the
Tail on the Donkey.
It
was the best birthday ever. She had such a good time, as did her
friends. I
noticed that I was actually enjoying the party and I wondered
“what was different”? Then, it dawned on me that not once did I have to
say
“Kailee stop. Kailee, don’t do that or we don’t act /behave like that”.
I was
actually able to relax and enjoy the party. Everything she did was
ACCEPTABLE.
Everybody there, her teacher, aides, and friends all loved her for her. Shouldn’t I be more accepting of who my
daughter is and let her be? Perhaps my own insecurities and
pre-judgments were
holding my daughter back …that birthday actually gave ME a gift!...
While I now try to be more
accepting of
who my daughter is and the things I cannot change, I don’t allow this
knowledge
of acceptance to stop me from encouraging, pushing, and expecting her
to be all
that she can be. Like the Serenity prayer, I pray for the wisdom to
know the
difference.
Parent tips – Regarding birthday
parties and
inclusion: I think we, as parents, need to start early helping our
children
make friends. We may have to move out of our comfort zones, but, we
shouldn’t
be afraid or insecure of opening the lines of communication to other
parents
about our children. Everyone needs friends, they are an important part
of our
lives. Those with different abilities are no different. By talking with
other
parents (those without special needs children) and being upfront , we
may begin
to break down the barrier that exists
and dismiss some myths that would benefit all involved.
Teacher Tips- After the birthday party,
the teacher
said the birthday party had been a wonderful practical teaching tool as
well.
The teacher was able to pull many lessons out of the party.
Classroom Lessons:
Invitaions:
children had to read the invitation,
plan for the date ( look it up on a
calendar) and time
( look at the clock) and respond (telephone, dialing a phone and
speaking a
proper response……giving a RSVP).
Writing: What is a Birthday and why
do we
celebrate them?
They all got to write their
date of birth and year they were born.
Birthday presents - proper etiquette for a
party –
(bringing a present and sharing). Teaching that a present is given to
the child
that is having the birthday. The teacher had all the students make a
birthday
card (writing and drawing a picture)
Playing a Game:
Pin the Tail on the Donkey taught taking turns, sharing,
measuring or
judging the distance of who is closer?
Epilogue
It
has been 2 years
since that birthday party. We continued to ask her teachers for
permission to
have these parties and have the party in her ESE class, along with her
ESE
classmates. We now feel strongly that it is a great teaching tool for
the kids
and my daughter loves it. This year, the teacher had the students call
and let
me know they would be attending the party, as well as what they would
like to
order from McDonalds. But, more importantly, because I am now more
accepting of
my daughter and who she is (and yes, less prejudiced of others) my
daughter has
FRIENDS! She has a life….
“her life”… with play dates,
a sleepover and now plays soccer in Special Olympics. What a GIFT!!
Disclaimer: All information on this site is of a general nature and is furnished for knowledge and understanding only.